Guilt
by RedRose65
Summary: Sherlock has finally come home after being dead now he is dealing with the racking guilt at having hurt people close to him and trying to block his feeling over it. Will contain spanking. If it offends you please don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Hi! Well this my first spanking fanfic and if that upsets you then please don't read it. But for those of you who do please enjoy the story. I liked the version on the show but had to change it for my story. Happy reading!

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"John, I have already said numerous times that I am sorry. I did what I thought was logical" Sherlock nearly growled as he followed the shorter angry man who had taken to pacing in frustration when they settled in a small diner.

"That is besides the point Sherlock one phone call was all it would have taken to let me know you were alive and kicking instead of buried 6 feet down" John Watson hollered "by the way who did we bury?" he asked sidetracked for a second with that mystery. Sherlock barely refrained from rolling his eyes at the question "irrelevant" he answered plainly not wanting to bother with explaining that whole mess. He had already explained albeit a shorter version on what had happened when he had interrupted Watson and Mary's evening and been hauled out of the restaurant by John.

John didn't look fully convinced of Sherlock's whole logic excuse when he had announced it and from the looks of it Sherlock didn't seem highly convinced of this himself but wasn't going to admit it to anyone, let alone himself. "I..you kn.. I just ugh" John growled angrily still to upset to coherently form a sentence having trouble voicing his thoughts without them coming out in a rushed jumbled mess.

Sherlock kept his face emotionless as he watched John for a few minutes wrestling with his own feelings over the whole situation. He wanted to say something, and even though he wasn't great at reading regular people's social warnings he got the feeling saying anything more may set John off again and wisely stayed quiet.

"Just not tonight Sherlock" John finally said tiredly as he walked out of the diner not trusting himself to speak any further before he said something he would regret, knowing deeper down that while he was angry at the whole problem he didn't actually hate Sherlock.

Walking to the side of the curb John hailed a taxi and got in, Mary had went home a half an hour after Sherlock had explained why he was still alive and sure John wasn't going to kill him. For some reason Mary had taken an instant liking to Sherlock. Which at first bothered John who wasn't at first certain why it bothered him so much and feels its highly misplaced with the fact that he is still pissed at Sherlock.

Twenty minutes or so passed and John was out of the taxi and paying the driver, who gave a small wave as he pulled back into the road. He sighed as he walked to his door and leaned against it as he ran his hands down his weary face. The night had started so special and romantic and had taken a sharp turn down confusing and frustrating alley in a matter of a seconds. John gave a frustrated silent scream and opened the door and walked into his flat.

Sherlock sighed as he saw that John wasn't going to talk with him further he felt disappointed and slightly annoyed that his older brother had been right in the fact that John wasn't very thrilled with his reappearance. Maybe he had executed it poorly. Sherlock searched his mind palace in any hopes of finding out what could have triggered a response like that from John.

Giving up for the time being Sherlock straightened his jacket and tried to ignore the beginning signs of guilt. He hailed a taxi and found himself on the front steps of 221B Baker Street. He tentatively knocked on the door in case Mrs. Hudson had the same reaction that John did and had a much more somber look. He was far too in his own head right now he need to distract himself or his thoughts would consume him and he didn't want to think of anymore people he had apparently hurt with his fake death.

Sherlock watched as the door opened a crack "Sherlock" Mrs. Hudson had whispered "Sherlock oh my goodness" she exclaimed with joy as she flung the door open and barreled into his torso without any hesitation. Sherlock wrapped his arms around her "never again you here I'm to go before you do this time" she said sternly then something snapped in Sherlock and his heart felt like it was crushing "of course sorry Mrs. Hudson" he managed out through a tight throat as he held back tears.

"Oh come on in my dear everything is as you left it I couldn't bring myself to bother it or rent it" she admitted if a bit self conscious but overjoyed "thank you Mrs. Hudson I really do appreciate it" he said quietly "of course my dear" she said as they went up the stairs to the flat.

Mrs. Hudson hadn't left it at that not that Sherlock was necessarily upset about this, she had gone full on nurturing mode. She had made tea and biscuits and talked with Sherlock for as long as she could until her body told her it was time for sleep. She had doted on him for a few more minutes and asked several times if he was alright. Sherlock managed to take it all with no complaints after how he had seen how his death had affected her and how she had easily taken him back.

After a brief admonishment about never doing it again once more and a farewell she left to go back to her flat. Sherlock thought for a few minutes on how different John's and Mrs. Hudson's reactions had affected him apparently he could handle anger but upset joy was a might harder. Only bigger difference was Mrs. Hudson had already forgiven him John seemed to want nothing to do with him and in his brother's words John was one of his few goldfishes he had and wasn't certain he wanted to lose him, he was like a more human brother.

Sherlock groaned as he flung himself onto his old and almost instantly familiar couches he tried to take his mind off of everything for the time being and was soon having a fitful sleep.

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	2. Chapter 2

Sherlock woke up with a groan as he sat up, his long legs swinging off the small couch to land on the floor. His hands instantly went to his face as he rubbed them down his face and with a shake of his head he stood up and tiredly walked to the kitchen. He pulled his cell phone off of the table as he passed by and flipped it open to see if he had any missed calls or texts.

He almost wanted to pout over the fact that he saw no activity on the cell, he shouldn't be surprised he supposed with how upset John had been last night. He sighed as he got dressed and walked to his door ready to walk out when he got a text from Lestrade _Got a case could use some help you up for it._ Sherlock didn't even need to think on it he quickly tapped out a quick yes and grinned thank goodness for Lestrade because this was just the distraction he needed to get his mind off John or at least get John talking to him again.

He called John's number to see if he would come with him like they always use to but was quickly put to voice mail. He gave off a short scream of frustration and called the next number on his small list of contacts. "Molly would you like to accompany me to a crime scene" Sherlock asked as soon as she answered the phone "oh um OK but what about John" she asked knowing he was Sherlock's usual partner "we are um currently not on speaking terms at the moment" he admitted as Molly eagerly accepted the invitation and had agreed to meet at the scene. He hung up his phone and walked down the stairs trying to get any last minute tiredness out of him but found it harder than usual as he just shook his head and hailed a taxi to take him to the scene.

John looked at his phone when he saw it go off but ignored it for the time being he wasn't ready to talk with Sherlock and he had patients he had to take care of right now. "Hello " he said on a sigh already guessing that it was going to be a very long day, if he didn't get his mind off his personal life and if people keep coming in with hints to the very man he was trying to forget he shook his head and shook hands with the man that now sat on his examination table.

Hours passed and John Watson was completely at his boiling point. He sat in his rolling chair and put his head in his hands, he still had a patient or two left and he was extremely exhausted and getting more and more short tempered as time passed. He looked at his phone really quickly and saw a few texts from Mrs. Hudson and tried not to roll his eyes when he saw them. _Please speak to Sherlock. Oh I understand why you're upset but you can't let that stand in the way of a long standing brotherhood. John!_ John had to openly laugh at the last one.

Once he had met Sherlock and then Mrs. Hudson he had started to develop what he didn't have before a family, a small one but a family none the less. Mrs. Hudson had almost instantly started to mother him since she met him and seemed to care very much for Sherlock. An Sherlock despite getting on his nerves was like a brother to him and apparently fighting with your brother isn't easy he was starting to realize never having had a brother growing up.

He shook his head as his last patient came in and his annoyance started to spark he listened as the man spoke thinking more and more that it was Sherlock in disguise again. Making him sound sarcastic "really you thought that phoney disguise would work" John finally snapped as he went at the man and started pulling on the man's real beard. When it refused to come off John pulled back abashed "um uh I'm so sorry" he apologized quickly as he kept on apologizing while the man looked on in horrified confusion and then after a short explanation he left him in the capable hands of Mary.

Meanwhile Sherlock had spent the day with Molly hopping from crime scene to crime scene helping out and impressing Molly, except he kept hearing John's infuriating voice and even calling Molly John. After separating from Molly and going home and starting to figure out that he had managed before he met John but really had changed over time and loathsome as it was he was starting to have feelings and he hated it. He was nonchalant when he had explained the whole death situation and had given a half ass explanation on why he hadn't contacted anyone but it was difficult to explain his true reason. Damn it John was his other brother he was even closer to John than he tended to be with Mycroft but they both had their reasons mainly emotions or lack thereof of in Mycroft and Sherlock's case. "I want to shoot a wall right now" Sherlock announced to himself as he roamed about his empty house. Trying to figure out how to approach John again or a way to make John forgive him anyway he had a few ideas in mind but figured he'd first have to get John's attention.


	3. Chapter 3

Will contain spanking. This has spoilers for the episode empty hearse if you haven't seen it I wouldn't recommend reading this. I don't own Sherlock. Happy Reading!

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Sherlock had turned off the bomb and in a frightened voice had told a technical lie that had set John off on a long winded and to be honest longer than the bombs time had speech. Sherlock had listened on in silence and was relieved to hear that John had forgiven him even though it had to be in the face of fear.

Once John realized that the bomb hadn't gone off and taken him and Sherlock he looked on in frightened confusion and Sherlock was at first shocked at the speech then shifted his emotion to one of sadistic humor and started to laugh " _there is always an off switch"_ he informed his closest friend as police swarmed the scene. John instantly felt angry and shot out " _I'm definitely going to kill you"_ Sherlock quipped back " _oh, please. Killing me? That's so two years ago."_

John felt his anger melt away as he gave off a silent laugh he was just thankful that the two of them were ok plus it was kind of funny he thought as he caught up to Sherlock and walked out of the tunnel.

Sherlock bit his lip lightly once they hit the london air and while he was glad to hear John say he forgave him his heart still ached a bit he tried to ignore it as he talked to the cops.

Three days passed and John bound up the steps to 221B and with casual familiarity he walked in and up the stairs to his first home, not with his sister or a lonely hole of a flat that never felt of home. John was shocked when he was almost mowed over by a frustrated Mrs. Hudson "whatever is wrong Mrs. Hudson" John asked politely with a healthy dose of fear "he is being a right prat today I swear I do care for him but I very much want to box his ears at the minute" she shouted loudly for said prat to hear while John looked on in confusion "I still might" she mumbled which caused John to smile.

"And you" she said turning on the now frightened John who was not smiling anymore "I thought you two worked through your differences" he opened his mouth "honestly must I lock you two in a room until you come out friends" she continued "I..but.I..we what!" John finally stumbled out his mouth. "Mrs. Hudson what are you talking about?" he finally inquired she sighed as she calmed down a bit "since your guy's making up I thought Sherlock would go back to his usual self but no he is still just as surly and aggressive. Making me think you two were at least talking but not as brothers again and I'm about to reintroduce him to two years ago" she finally threatened John's eyes widened "oh no that's really not necessary Mrs. Hudson" John said quickly because if Sherlock is reintroduced to it than that meant he could also eventually get reintroduced himself something he'd rather keep a hopeful empty threat.

"I'll talk to him find out what's wrong" John said quickly "fine" she finally snapped a second later as she started to walk away "you boys need more food anyway I'll be back after a trip to the shops see you both soon" she said firmly as she slammed the door causing John to jump slightly and walk down the stairs. "Brothers" John mumbled thoughtful "wait I don't live here" he said in an afterthought to the air. Realizing it was pointless John walked into the familiar living room just barely being missed by bullets. "Sherlock!" he shouted as he cowered away from the wall "I thought Mrs. Hudson took that from you" he accused "she did" he deadpanned as he shot the wall a couple more times "how did you get it back?" he shot back pale blues eyes turned to green blue eyes which turned into a glare "not important" he said simply brown curls jumping when he turned back to the wall.

He shot twice more and gave off a tiny pout when he saw it empty of bullets "well that's done want to work a case" he said turning back to John lacking any emotion, strange cases usually made him happy. John's eyes had widened a fraction "are you kidding me" he exclaimed "what" he growled as he looked at the shorter man "why are you trying to piss off Mrs. Hudson and killing that wall" Sherlock looked blankly at the wall "I was bored. The wall. Not Mrs. Hudson" he said quickly when John raised a shocked eyebrow.

"Oh my I don't have time for these games" Sherlock snapped as he started down the stairs after leaving the room his emotions going stir crazy he wanted to be angry and he didn't know why he felt John needed to also be angry. In his upset he failed to pay attention to his surroundings working on auto pilot when he was shoved out of the way of a speeding car. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing" John shouted Sherlock's expression turned to one of shock for a second then fueled anger. He needed a cigarette so bad right now he thought as he stood up "you want an honest answer John. I have no idea what I'm think for once in my life I'm at a complete and utter wall and no amount of time in my mind palace has worked out an answer" he shouted not caring they were on the street John looked about "let's go in and talk ok" he said kindly if a bit stunned by his display Sherlock nodded as he lead the way back into the flat.

Once John had made sure Sherlock had been undamaged and his heart had quit racing when he saw his brother had run out in traffic blindly "ok what is wrong with you? he finally asked "why are you lashing out" he added Sherlock gave a dark laugh "like you care" he said sarcastically and brokenly at the same time.

John suddenly felt like ice, his heart sunk to surprised to do anything for a second. After he broke out of his tranced state he quickly grabbed forward taking Sherlock's wrist and lifting him up much to Sherlock's horror "J.j..John what are you doing?" he stammered testing the doctor's grip and found it unbreakable "I care" John broke out desperately wanting Sherlock to realize it.

Next thing the two men knew John sat where Sherlock had with Sherlock's long frame across his knees. Sherlock looked surprised for a minute at the floor while his brain realized the position "oh you have got to be kidding me" he said using one of John's favorite responses. John looked shocked as well it wasn't the first time they had done this but it was the first time since the whole false death and he was unsure if he shouldn't have considering Mrs. Hudson herself had only made the threat that she hasn't done in two years.

Sherlock didn't fight though he could have but the guilt he felt at having hurt people he cared about weighed to heavy on him as the first swat fell on his rear end "ow" he bit out through gritted teeth he hadn't had this done in two years he forgot how much it bloody hurt. He also hated it even more when John did it because that meant his normal co-troublemaker had felt he was going to far and normally he was the one getting in trouble with him weather it be with Mrs. Hudson or and also rarely Lestrade.

He fought the tears as several more smacks met the first one. He didn't want to cry this early while it did hurt it wasn't overly harsh not even enough to make him cry yet. But his emotions swirled with an annoyance he didn't realize he had or was capable. He had a habit of annoying the people he cared about but he had never hurt any of them even when he was blankly honest and announced his every thought. "You're wrong" John finally said after finishing round of swats "I care I went to your grave several times and asked for one more miracle and that was for you not to be dead" he said voice cracking with the emotions of think of his brother dead again.

Sherlock's eyes burned from unshed tears but once John's words registered the damn broke and his tears started to flow. "I didn't want to think of my brother as dead" he said trying to keep his voice neutral Sherlock in his distress hadn't even realized it when John had even bared him John looked at the light pink on the backside on his lap. "You..should.. I hurt..brother?" he ended with almost in question as John kept the spanking going "yes brother" he said firmly "and I do care" as he finished another volley of swats soon Sherlock openly started to cry his hands gripping a discarded pillow as his back side took on a deep red color.

"I wanted to tell you many times" he got out still sobbing rather harshly even though John had brought the spanking to an end letting Sherlock cry it out while rubbing his back soothingly surprised and hopeful at Sherlock's words. When Sherlock's crying calmed down and realized how he must look he blushed slightly and fixed his clothing.

Than he did something that surprised the both of them he hugged John fiercely refusing to let him go. John froze for a second but hugged back normally he initiated comfort not the other way around. "You wanted to tell" he said looking down at the head of curls "I was afraid to for fear of them killing you and everyone I cared about I couldn't risk any mistakes" he managed not use to so much emotion in one day.

John smiled as he realized the two of them had got on the small couch and sat next to each other while having not parted until they sat Sherlock wincing when he made first contact. "Why didn't you say that at the beginning" he asked kindly as he wiped his own eyes "well apparently I'm prideful or I just don't like admitting I scared" he admitted "although both can go hand in hand when you look at it but that's another thing" he quickly rattled off impressing John normally he was a mumbling mess when he got punished but Sherlock always managed to speak almost perfect when it has ended.

Both sat in silence for a few breaths then Sherlock spoke "so brothers huh can't say I disagree you have been with me through hell and back so to speak although you do realize by default Mycroft is now kind of your brother as well" he stated with an impish grin while John's eyes widened after a couple seconds he shrugs "worth it" he stated with a chuckle "and I get a sort of sister" Sherlock added he never had a sister before through John, Harry was kind of his sister now " yea I guess so" John agreed with a smile now that they both had calmed down.

Twenty-three minutes later the two had talked and changed the topic several times just enjoying each other's company when Mrs. Hudson walked into the flat "oh how lovely seeing you two talking are you going to stay for tea John" she said happily and if she noticed anything that happened while she was gone she hid it well as she didn't wait for John to answer and went to the kitchen. "I'd advise not pushing her any more or you'll see her motherly love" John said with a laugh as Sherlock looked horrified "I hope that doesn't happen for a very long time" he agreed with a frightened laugh. Soon Sherlock's phone goes off and he looks at it and gives a large grin at the request to help with the prospective case "it's Christmas" he exclaimed with joy while grabbing his deer tracker and coat and lead John out the door with a goodbye to Mrs. Hudson.

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Hope I kind of kept them in character and this was my first spanking scene I have written. R and R


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